I live a fairly busy life. I’m a college student taking 18
credit hours a week. I am also an RA, a president of a club, and a true people
person who loves to spend time with her friends. Recently, while on the phone
with my mum, she said something that caused me to reevaluate the busyness of my
everyday routine. She said, “Ciara. You need to learn to linger.” At first I
was confused by this statement. What did she mean, “Learn to linger”? I
lingered! My friends and I sat in the caf for a few minutes after we finished
eating most days. I was great at finding places to go and things to do that
would prevent me from returning to my homework. I loved to go and visit my
residents and talk to them. But, after looking at myself and my routines, I
realized that I actually do not linger. I pop into my residents’ rooms on my
way down the hall and out the door. My prolonged sitting in the cafeteria is
usually because someone at our table is still eating. My plethora of activities that seem more important are merely ways to procrastinate on my homework. I realized that I was
constantly rushing to get everywhere.
So, I
vowed to make a change. One night, I stopped in the duty office of a different residence
hall on my way back to my room. I visited with some of my RA friends. We
talked, laughed, and had a lot of fun. I hardly glanced at my phone and had no
idea how long I had really spent there. It felt nice though. I talked and
laughed and had a great time with my fellow RAs and did not feel like I was
late for something or needed to be somewhere. Another night, I met my friends
at our little food court area to grab something to eat. After we finished
eating, we sat and talked and discussed our day. It was nice to not feel rushed
or pressured to hurry up and finish.
So much
of our time is spent looking towards the next big thing. Looking ahead to the
next meeting, next assignment, next test. We spend so much time preparing for what
is next that we often forget to live in the now. Lingering, I have learned, is
more than just making more stops somewhere on your way to somewhere else. It is
an opportunity to allow your mind to linger at the place instead. It provides a
mental slowdown, which is often what we need in our over-stimulated, ultra-technologically
advanced world. And so, I dare you. Let yourself linger more often. You will
not be disappointed.
Have you ever thought about the power of your memory? Just think for a minute. Sometimes, we cannot remember what we ate for breakfast or the name of the person we just met, yet, we can recount with great detail memories that happened years ago. I like to think I have a fairly good memory. My grade school friends had a running joke that, when one person would remember simply the fact that we had a sleepover near Valentine's Day, I would remember what everyone was wearing, who slept where in the living room, and exactly what time we went to bed. I can't help it that I have a good memory! (I recently admitted, however, that I did not remember the first time I met my one friend, despite him remembering it in great detail. Needless to say he was a bit hurt. Oops!)
Anyways, have you ever been sitting somewhere, minding your business, maybe drinking a coffee, reading a magazine, or doing homework, and BAM! You smell a particular smell, or hear a song, and you are instantly transported back to a specific memory? It's crazy. You're in the present one moment, and the next it is like you have traveled back in time. Sometimes, it makes me think of those scenes from that old show, "Cold Case." They would investigate cold cases and try to go back to figure out what the victim was experiencing during that particular time. That was a good show....
ANYWAYS. Tuesday evening, I was sitting in the car on my way home for the night. My dad and I were flipping radio stations trying to find something worth listening to when we stumbled upon a station playing, "The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra. It was actually a Michael Buble cover of the song, but regardless, that was it. I was instantly sent on a trip down memory lane.
My dad and I used to listen to this song when I was a young girl. He would blast it on the stereo and we would dance around the living room, me standing on his toes. I can still vividly remembering him spinning me around, while I looked up at him in adoration, laughing hysterically.
Fast forward years later, and I am a freshman in high school. My aunt was on the auxiliary committee for the hospital where she worked and had asked me and my cousin if we would like to volunteer at the annual gala they were hosting. This entailed an evening of dressing up, eating a fancy dinner, and assisting people as they collected their silent auction prizes. Of course we said yes! How could we pass up an evening of dressing up?! I can distinctly remember my dress; a simple black sleeveless just-above-the-knee with a lace overlay. It was elegant and beautiful without being over the top. I loved it. We arrived at the hotel where the gala was being held and felt like princesses ( I would have my real princess moment 4 years later, but that's another story). We spent the evening selling raffle tickets and meeting lots of important doctors and such that my aunt work with. When it came time for dinner, we learned we were being seated with the other volunteers for the evening, That was the start of something wonderful.
My cousin and I sat down and were greeted by our charming table-mates; six good looking boys ranging in age from 15 (my age) to 22 (my cousin was 19). The boy seated to my right was particularly handsome. Wearing a black tux with a silver vest and bow tie, his dark brown hair was perfectly messy and when he smiled, his teeth shone like the polished silver at our place settings. We bonded over our mutual hate for mushrooms and the mushroom soup we had been served. He teased me about my distaste for seafood and dared me to try a scallop. Mike and I (that was his name) talked about everything. From school to our hobbies to our families, we laughed and flirted our way through the evening. It was magical.
Eventually, we were summoned to carry out the duties we had been brought in to do; gather the silent auction prizes and distribute them to their respective buyers. While we walked back and forth across the room, we continued to talk and laugh. At one point, there was a lull in the activity, and we could hear the band starting up back in the ballroom. I looked at him, and said, "I love this song!" He grinned at me, reached out his hand and, as any true gentleman would do, said, "will you dance with me?" And we did. In the lobby of the hotel, outside of the ballroom, away from the adults and silent auction prizes, and other people, we swayed, One of his hands on the small of my back, while mine rested on his broad shoulder. My right hand fit just perfectly in his left and we danced. He sang the words quietly under his breath, and I thought I was dreaming. "Someday, when I'm awfully low/when the world is cold/I will feel a glow/just thinking of you/and the way you look tonight."
Mike and I remained friends for about a year and a half. Then, he went away to college and I became busier with high school activities. And, while we only physically spent time together that one, magical, evening, we developed a friendship that lasted much longer. To this day, whenever I hear that song, I am reminded of that magical evening. I close my eyes and can still hear his voice, low and soft in my ear, feel his arm around me, gentle yet firm, and feel the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach as we shared that magical moment. Oh, the power of memory.
Hi, my name is Ciara and I'm addicted to the unrealistic expectations of relationships placed into people's minds by movies and TV shows. *cue chorus of other addicts stating, "hi Ciara."* It's true guys. Give me a chick flick and I am the happiest girl in the world. Sleepless in Seattle, While You Were Sleeping, Made of Honor, Definitely Maybe, The Wedding Planner, or my all time favorite movie, My Best Friend's Wedding, are just a few of the sappy rom-coms that decorate my shelf. Give me an action film with even the slightest bit of a romantic plot, like Superman, and I'll spend the entire movie rooting for Lois Lane and Clark Kent, without a care in the world for the actual plot (what was the villain's name in that movie again? I don't even know). And don't even get me started on Nicholas Sparks. I'm pretty sure that man has a direct line to my heart.
What I have come to realize though, halfway through my third semester of college, is that life is NOT like the movies. Not even Pitch Perfect is accurate enough to describe the relationship scene at my tiny college. In the movies, the guy and the girl meet, the romantic music starts up, their eyes lock, and BAM. It's kismet. They flirt for a little. Go on a date. The guy picks up the check (I'm still a firm believer in the guy paying for the first date like a real gentleman). Then, the guy walks the girl back to her house, apartment, car, whatever. They're saying goodnight, preferably under the warm orange glow of a streetlight. He leans in, wraps his arms around her waist, and gives her the most perfect goodnight kiss imaginable. The music comes to a crescendo, there are fireworks (sometimes literally) and all is perfect in the magical land of movies.
Well boys and girls, life, is NOT like that. Not at all. And that makes me sad. Why it seems to upset only me, while others seem perfectly content with it, I don't know. Maybe because I expect too much. Maybe because I think that guys need to watch these kinds of movies to learn how to treat a girl. Maybe because I'm just one of those crazy girls who thinks she is going to find a Mr. Right and hear the music and see the fireworks. Regardless, it saddens me to think that this isn't the case.
Want to know how I know this? Because, at my school, things don't happen like that. Here in the land of 3,500 undergrads, you are more likely to meet someone while sitting in the basement of some random house off campus drinking warm beer and listening to badly auto-tuned music. If you meet a fraternity boy and you're not in a sorority, then forget about it. You don't stand a chance. Or, you'll meet someone in one of the various clubs or organizations you're a part of. You guys will flirt, but it'll fizzle out, or you'll date and realize it's not working, and then every meeting afterwards will be an awkward trip down memory lane as you're forced to sit across the table from them and try not to think about those times. And I'm not even one of those girls who goes out all the time and hooks up with random guys like it's her job. That's just how life is. But that doesn't mean that is how it should be.
What I would like to know is what guys today look for in a girl and why. I think I know what they look for. Guys expect girls to look drop-dead gorgeous all of the time. They expect us to have flawless skin, perfect hair, and amazing bodies. God forbid we ever break out in a zit every once in a while, or get a little bloated. I have a guy friend who would be an amazing boyfriend. He's smart, attractive, kind, respects women; the kind of guy you're excited to introduce your dad to cause you know they're going to get along. My friends always say to me, "why don't you date him? You two would be so cute together." The answer, as much as it pains me, is simple. I'm not his type. I am very far from his type and I know that and he knows that. It has become an understood concept in our friendship. What is his type, you may ask? Well his last girlfriend was seemingly perfect. Worked out all the time, flawless skin, perfect blond hair, bright blue eyes. She had it all going on. We asked him what was wrong with her and he said, "she could work out more." Work out more! The chick had a six pack I'm pretty sure.
I know that I will never look like that. I dread going to the gym. I would rather read a book that run on a treadmill, or bake cookies than do squats. My hair is usually a mess, my eyeliner is uneven 99% of the time, and nothing in my wardrobe could be deemed "sexy." I would rather watch HGTV or Netflix than party. I don't drink and I don't smoke anything. I didn't even know what marijuana smelled like before I arrived at school for Resident Assistant training. I cry at ASPCA commercials, and I can't listen to "Don't Forget to Remember Me" by Carrie Underwood without tearing up. I can't watch movies where there is a possibility of the dog getting hurt. I am, however, a kind person. I am loyal and when I love, I love with my entire being. I do not understand how someone can cheat on their significant other, because I can't even have a crush on more than one person at a time. I put others before myself. I feel deeply and love wholly and, while I may not be the prettiest girl or the best dressed, I will be the one that cares the most. Where are the guys that are looking for these kinds of girls? Do they exist?
This leads me to the ever more important question, "why?" Why do guys think that all girls must look like supermodels? Why don't they go for real women? Why is it so hard to go on an actual date with a guy and not just "hang out" all the time until you realize you're basically dating so you might as well make it official? If someone could please gather the male population and demand the answers to these questions, I, and the rest of the females out there, would greatly appreciate it.
There is a line in Sleepless in Seattle that really stuck with me. Rosie O'Donnell and Meg Ryan are sitting in Rosie's living room, watching the old romantic movie, An Affair to Remember. Meg Ryan is complaining about relationships and how there is a severe lack of "magic." She states that she wishes she could have a relationship like the one in the movie. Rosie looks at her and says, "that's your problem. You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie." Perhaps that is my problem too. Perhaps that is a lot of women's problems. Hollywood has placed such unreal expectations as to what a relationship should look like and women are only setting themselves up to get hurt. Perhaps we should try to realize that they are only movies and everything is scripted. Perhaps, however, Hollywood should stop making fantasy life look so damn good. Maybe then, we would be able to move on and realize that Mr. Right isn't going to be perfect from the start. There may not be fireworks and music and dazzling good looks, but that will be okay because, once you find the Right One, you'll be so busy being in love, you'll forget about the movies. So, my fellow addicts, hang on. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And perhaps the Right One is there too.
So, it's August. School will be starting soon and all of the hustle and bustle of the fall semester will take over. The fall season ushers in many exciting things; new classes, changing leaves, and the start of football season. Along with football comes the ever coveted Homecoming Game, where the team returns to their home field after a string of games on the road. When I was in high school, homecoming was a huge deal. Every girl looked for the perfect dress, and the guys began asking girls to the dance as early as late July. In retrospect, it was all a tad bit ridiculous. While I absolutely love getting dressed up, having my hair and makeup done, and posing for pictures, at the end of the night it was just another dance. When I began college, I was surprised to learn that our school was holding a homecoming dance as well. I knew homecoming weekend was a big deal and many families came up to visit their children, along with many alumni who returned to their Alma mater for the big game. I can vividly remember talking on the phone to my mum one day and mentioning to her that there was going to be a homecoming dance. Sounding just as surprised as I was, she asked me if I was going and agreed with me when I stated that I was not, and that my homecoming dances were a thing of the past.
Flash forward to the present. After completing an entire year of college, I have learned a lot of valuable information, both in the classroom and outside. One thing I have realized is that, while majority of my school's population looks somewhat decent for class everyday, people do NOT dress up and, unless you are in a sorority or fraternity, you have limited chances to get dressed up. Which is why this year I have decided to take on homecoming with my closest friends. I cannot wait for the opportunity to get dressed up and see everyone else wearing something other than sweatshirts and jeans. Since homecoming is approaching, and I was bored this evening, I decided to do a bit of online shopping. While looking at dresses on websites like Forever 21, H&M, and Nordstrom, a sickening common thread began to appear. All of the models were shown in skin tight, body con dresses with cutout sides and low tops. As I scrolled down the pages, hoping that perhaps it was just a particular section I was viewing, I was appalled to realize most of the dresses were designed this way. What happened to the idea of covering up? Since when did showing it all for the world to see become the new "sexy"? Frustrated, I asked my best friend her opinion on this, to which she replied, "If you wear a dress with enough confidence that is even better [than wearing a skin tight dress in an attempt to dress sexily.] While I agree with her, it still saddens me that most girls do not realize that they do not have to dress in such ways to appear attractive. As I pondered what makes girls believe this is the appropriate way to dress, three reasons came to mind.
1. Society Encourages It
Flip through a magazine or turn on an entertainment show. Most likely you will find ads of famous women clad in nothing but a tee shirt and a pair of high heels, or hear entertainment news anchors discussing which star wore the most "daring" (i.e. revealing and obscene) outfit to an awards show. Society tells women that in order to be seen as attractive, sexy, or appealing, they must showcase their goods as much as possible. [I wrote a 10 page research paper on this topic so I am trying my hardest not to get too into it. Trust me, I could go on for hours.]
2. Men Expect It
Thanks to the wonderful job the media has done, men have come to expect women to dress in such ways. There is always that scene in any romantic movie, TV show, etc where the woman has a makeover and walks down the stairs and the man's eyes light up and he says the classic, "you look beautiful." While that is always a wonderful thing to hear, why does it only occur when a woman is all dolled up? Why don't they ever show a man saying that to a woman when she is laying on the couch in her sweats, laughing at something Jimmy Fallon said? This experience has even happened to me. My best guy friend walked up to me at our Junior homecoming and gave me the "Ciara, you look amazing" line. While I was flattered at his comment, later that night, as I sat around a bonfire in yoga pants and a hoodie, laughing with my friends and looking at the stars, I wondered why he didn't say anything about the way I looked then. Was it because the dress had come off and the bobby pins were plucked out? I surely felt more beautiful relaxed and enjoying myself than I did when I was worrying about whether I had lipstick on my teeth or if my strapless bra was shifting around. Maybe this example has more to do with how society has influenced men, but still. When men express their delight in the way a woman looks with her boobs hanging out and her dress so short you can see cheek, then women receive the signal that this is how men expect you to look.
(take a look at this clip to see what I mean! Why didn't he think she was stunning when she was wearing jeans?!)
3. Women
Men expect women to dress this way and sometimes, women do too. One of my roommates last year once said to me, "women wear makeup and get dressed up because they're competing with other women. If they were doing it for men, they just wouldn't wear anything." Sadly, she had a bit of a point. Women dress to attract men and threaten women. It is a true competition to see who wore it better and who looked more amazing. Just look through any tabloid magazine. Most of them will contain some sort of "Who Wore It Better" column. Everything is a competition, which to me is very sad.
I once read an interview with Emma Watson in which she was asked why she refused to take off some of her clothing when posing for a magazine. She stated that,
“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder." (quote courtesy of Goodreads.com)
I agree with Emma. And with my best friend. Wearing what you want with confidence will make you sexy. Less is more. I only wish we could teach this lesson to more women and girls. Then, perhaps, girls will start to dress for themselves and not for others. As for me, I'm going to continue my search for the perfect dress. The one that makes me feel the most like me. Xoxo, Ciara
I love movies. The soundtrack, the actors, the location of filming, all coming together to make a wonderful work of art. I also happen to love books. A LOT. Usually, whenever I hear that a movie will be made based on a book I have read, I am elated. I want others to experience the story, cheer for the protagonist, develop strong feels for the "bad guy," and basically ride the emotional roller coaster that is every good novel. Of course, I am a firm believer in reading novels before they become box office hits, and not the other way around. Yes, it may ruin the surprise of the movie, but it is better in the long run. If you read the book first and something truly resonates with you, you will experience those same emotions in the theater. My biggest beef comes when movies leave out important pieces of stories. I understand that they need to cut some things, or else all movies would be five hours long, but it still leaves a mark. Take the Harry Potter film franchise for example. I read the books, watched the movies, and essentially grew up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. The movies, however, fail to mention many major points (and some not so major that still would have been cool to see). Basically, if you live your entire life just watching the movies and not reading the books, you're missing out on half the fun.
The real reason I am writing this post is because it has been announced that the beloved Lois Lowry novel, The Giver will be made into a movie. This movie, which is scheduled for release on August 15th, 2014, stars Brenton Thwaites as Jonas, Jeff Bridges as The Giver, Meryl Streep as the Chief Elder, and, wait for it, Taylor Swift as Rosemary. Now, I loved T-Swift back when she actually sang country music, and Meryl is always great, but I cannot go see this movie. One of the most amazing aspects of the book is the idea that so much is left up to your imagination. The utopia society in which Jonas and co. live has no pain, war, suffering, or differences. Everyone is the same and there is little mention of color or otherwise differing characteristics. This is what makes the book so special. You are free to imagine the world within The Giver however you wish to see it. Making this book into a movie is robbing younger generations of children the pleasure, and at times confusion, that comes with reading the book.
Another major issue I have with The Giver being turned into a movie is the ending. Lois Lowry left the ending very open, allowing you to envision what you wished. I can vividly remember sitting in Mrs. Bebb's seventh grade Reading class discussing the ending to The Giver. We were free the decide what we thought happened. At first, I thought that everyone imagined the same ending as me. However, after hearing the various takes my classmates had, I came to the startling conclusion that everyone saw the ending a different way. This idea both fascinated and confused me. I truly believe it was at this point that I fell in love (again) with books and the power they have over us. I feel it is a true shame to deny children the joy of discovering this by turning The Giver into a movie. Well, that's my rant. If you haven't read The Giver yet, I strongly urge you to. Please read it and discover your own ending before the movie ruins it.
While searching through Pinterest for new books to read, (yes, I use Pinterest for more than just planning my future wedding and honing my baking skills for whenever I get the chance to appear on Cupcake Wars) I stumbled upon a YA novel entitled Eleanor and Park. I read the summary and decided it was worth giving a shot. Boy, am I glad that I did.
Eleanor and Park, written by Rainbow Rowell (whose name I happen to love), takes places in a small town outside of Omaha, Nebraska in the 80's. Eleanor and Park come from very different worlds, despite living only a few streets away. Their paths cross on the bus ride to school and both of their lives are changed.
Although I was skeptical during the first few chapters, I grew to love the book. By the end, I had laughed, cried, and rooted wholeheartedly for Eleanor, Park, and their 1980's version of Romeo and Juliet. Told from alternating points of view, it focuses on both characters and allows readers the pleasure of hearing the story from two different sides; providing a more complete understanding of what each character is feeling. The book reminded me a great deal of a novel I read in sixth grade Reading class; Flipped. Eleanor and Park is a great summer read and I highly recommend it!
Books were my first true love. Before I had discovered dance, Pinterest, the snooze button on my alarm clock, or a certain comedy show about six friends finding their way in New York City, I uncovered the worlds of the Bernstein Bears, Anne of Green Gables, and Laura Ingalls. I trekked through the wilderness with Jack London. I partied with Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan. The prairie became my home and the Ingalls my sisters. Books allowed me to escape from the real world. I was able to travel to any time or any place without having to leave the comfort of my living room couch. My summers were spent curled up with a book, (or five) while my fair Irish skin avoided the burning UV rays of the sun. My mom didn't threaten to take away my cell phone when I was being defiant; she would take my book. Many times, I would emerge for breakfast with dark circles under my eyes, but a satisfied smile on my face. My parents would look at me and say, "how late were you up this time?" After I responded with an answer usually in the range of 2-4 AM they would sigh and remark, "well, did you finish it?" The answer was always yes. Books are my drugs and the library is my dealer.
As I grew older, books became an even more important part of my life. Reading for school was never a burden. In fact, school introduced me to some of my most favorite stories. The love of Jean Valjean and his willingness to live a righteous life; watching Scout and Jem grow up in the troubled South and seeing them realize that every life is valued; even the metamorphosis of Gregor taught me valuable lessons. Books have opened my world up in more ways than I can count.
Whenever I read a book, I have the incessant urge to tell people about it. Anyone really. My brothers, parents, friends, or even random people I stumble upon in libraries or Starbucks. If I see them reading a book, or looking at a book, and I have had an experience with it, I must tell them how I felt. Now, this can become a nuisance, I know. Thankfully, my best friend shares the same love of reading that I do, because my family often does not want to hear about the latest YA novel I finished. (This is not to say that my family hates reading; they just don't always enjoy my constant blabbering about reading. Lucky for them though, I go to school in a different state so they don't have to deal with it as much these days.) It is because of this desire to share my literary experiences with others that I have decided I am going to do book reviews on here. Hopefully I will introduce you to some new reads and, if you have any suggestions or find yourself yearning to share your experiences with a particular novel, please let me know! I love when I get recommendations for new things to read! Well, now I have exposed you to my first love, and at times my only. I find that we make quite a lovely pair. Please come back to see what we're up to!
