The friend zone. We've all heard of it. Some of us may have been placed in it, while others have done
the zoning themselves. Or, as is usually the case, it is a combination of the two.
You friend zone a great person because you say you don’t want to “risk losing the
friendship.” In reality, you may just not be romantically attracted to this
individual. Or perhaps you are attracted to someone else and do not want to
mess up any chances you have with them. Regardless, you place someone in “the
zone” and it hurts. It hurts them. It hurts you to hurt them. Then, you pursue
the other one and are shocked and saddened when THEY place YOU in the friend
zone. It happens.
Why we place these parameters on people we supposedly care
so much about, you may ask. Well, my friend-zoning friends, the answer is
simple. Fear. We fear losing. We are terrified at the thought of losing the
beautiful trust and compassion we have built with this person. The idea of the
relationship not working out frightens us so much we do what we believe is the
only logical thing left. We place them in a defined compartment in our heart. We
think, subconsciously, by placing these important people in “the friend zone”
we can keep them in our lives forever. We will never have to worry about losing
them, because they have a designated spot in our lives and our hearts.
This couldn't be further from the truth. Placing limits
on your relationships with someone is selfish and unfair. It is not fair to the
other person and it is not fair to you. By limiting the type of affection and
interaction that can be held between two people you are limiting yourself of so
many experiences. If someone knows they only hold a certain position in your
life, and there is no possibility of them being anything else to you, they will
feel as though they have already lost. You must allow yourself to be open and
willing to see potential in every relationship you have. Give your heart the
freedom to choose what kinds of relationships you wish to have with certain
people, and you will not be disappointed.
The friend zone. It is a cheap fix to a large problem. Don’t
allow yourself to sink into that pattern. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt
and live each and every friendship, relationship, and partnership as though it
was the real deal. Perhaps your actions will inspire others in your life to
reevaluate the ways they look at relationships as well. I guarantee you will
not be disappointed. Beware of the zone, my dears!
Xoxo,
Ciara
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