Too often people do not say what they are really thinking.
We’re all guilty of it. We believe that it is better to leave things left
unsaid than it is to force ourselves to step out onto the line and speak from
the heart. I personally know that I do that. Once, I let a guy know how I felt
and was crushed when, the next day, he admitted he did not feel the same way. I
avoided him for about 3 weeks after that, purposefully not going where I knew
he would be and changing my plans if I found out there was a possibility our
paths would intersect. It’s not that I hated the guy; he hadn't led me on or
dumped me. We didn't have a dramatic breakup. Rather, I was embarrassed. I
hated the fact that he knew what I was truly feeling and did not feel the same
way. I felt vulnerable and weak compared to him. My best friend, however,
pointed out that, while I may be feeling that way at the time, I shouldn't have
to. She commended me for having the guts to show him how I was feeling, stating
that she wouldn't have been able to do that.
This got me thinking. Why are people so afraid of feelings?
Why would we rather live with so many unexpressed emotions pent up in our
hearts? What is so bad about sharing our feelings? My favorite movie of
all-time is the 1997 hit My Best Friend’s
Wedding. Starring the gorgeous Julia Roberts, the dashing Dermot Mulroney,
and a fresh-faced Cameron Diaz, the movie does a fantastic job of showing the
real-life dilemma between sharing your true feelings, especially when romance
is involved. Jules (Julia Roberts) and Michael (Mulroney) have been best
friends for a decade, after a failed attempt at dating. Michael calls Jules out
of the blue one day to tell her he’s getting married, and asks her to fly to
Chicago to be in the wedding. It is here that Jules realizes that she has been
madly in love with Michael. She goes to Chicago with every intention of breaking
Michael and his college-aged bride, Kimmy (Diaz) up.
There is a scene in the movie when Jules and Michael finally
get to spend some alone time together before the big day. Riding along the
Chicago River in a boat, Michael explains to Jules how he feels about their friendship.
Here is the clip.
A slew of instances occur over the three day weekend, all
culminating on the morning of the wedding. This is the most important part.
SPOILER ALERT. After causing Michael to lose his job and get into a huge fight
with Kimmy, Jules decides to come clean. She confesses her love for Michael in
Kimmy’s backyard, on the morning of their wedding, and then kisses him, as Kimmy approaches.
The scene that follows is the epitome of the movie. After
chasing Kimmy around Chicago, Michael and Jules end up in a train station. It
is here that Michael thanks Jules for loving him “that much, that way.” Jules
realizes that she has lost him as a love interest, but never as a friend. The
movie ends with Jules giving the happy couple the song she and Michael claimed
as their own.
You’re probably wondering why I am rambling on and on about
this 17 year old romantic comedy and ruining it for all of you. Well, that is a
two part answer. 1) It’s my favorite movie; I could watch it every day and
never get bored of it and talk about it til I’m blue in the face and still love
it. But more importantly 2) it’s realistic. It shows that not every story has a
fairy-tale ending, but that it’s okay, life goes on. The main lesson the movie
teaches is that it is so very important to never leave something unsaid. People
deserve to know how you feel. You deserve to be able to tell people how you
feel and not keep all of your emotions pent up inside of you.
I have a friend who, much like Jules, is madly in love with
her best guy friend. When I asked her if she was going to do anything about it,
she replied with a quick and definite “no.” She said she would rather go on
silently loving him and never share her emotions that risk losing his
friendship over the awkwardness that could possibly ensue should she tell him
and he say he does not feel the same way. While I can totally understand her
point of view because I've been in that position, I do not think it is smart.
Watching her silently be crushed as he flirts with other girls is too much at
times. I cannot make her choose to tell him; I can only be there to support her
when and if she ever does.
If everyone would just openly tell each other important
things such as, “hey, I really like you,” or, “I think we should just be
friends,” then the world would be a much happier place. Yes, there would still
be heartbreak, but it would be honest and pure. It would not be shrouded in the
ugly light that lying, deceit, and covering up leaves. It would just be
simple, true, heartbreak. And, while heartbreak may not be the ideal feeling
that everyone yearns for, it would be better than the fake happiness so many individuals
choose to embrace in today’s world. As George, Jules’ editor, states at the end
of the movie, “Life goes on.”
Xoxo,
Ciara
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